I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time – waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God – it changes me.
C.S Lewis

“I plead guilty as charged.”

Click here for full story from Philippine Star.

This afternoon, the news rocked my mind as I saw it on my Twitter timeline because of these reasons:

1. She was just 16 years old. Too young to die. Starting to live her college dream in a dream university. 

2. She’s taking behavioral science. Though just a freshman, I thought that she had somehow learned to evaluate her emotions right. In the end, her mind is still innocent.

3. Her fresh year is near completion. When the end is this near, I though somehow she will get through and endure, unfortunately, she has not.

Very tragic story indeed. A story that has taught me a lesson on responding to things. 

As soon as I have read the news and saw a reaction from a member of the University’s student reagent, I have completely agreed with him.

“The case of Kristel Tejada was not a suicide,” Arguelles said via Facebook Friday.
 
“She was killed by the system—a system that refuses to recognize that education is a right, that life is measured in your capacity to pay,” he added.

With this, I plead guilty. I correct myself. 

I do not know the full story. I do not know anything. I apologize, if this matters, for somehow blaming the University or the system for the tragedy. I feel responsible for my reactions.

And I quote my favorite writer:

How one responds to tragedy, to pain, to criticism, to correction, to offence, to discomfort, to lack, to persecution, to threats, reveals more about responder than it does about the circumstances. Circumstances are what they are, how we face these circumstances, how we act moving forward is what will decide whether we move forward or backward.

I am sad that no matter how I feel mature, there are some things that take time. My God has pruned me again. I hope that this dead branch of mine will not grow anymore. I know it wouldn’t. My God would not let it be. 

I am nothing but a clanging gong. 1 Corinthians 13


Wanting to be after God’s own heart,

Here I am, sitting beside the window…

I just finished my morning devotion and played some praise songs. I chose In the Highest by Citipointe and suddenly, while singing, I leaned back towards the outside of the window pane and heard the rustling of leaves. They’re swaying with the wind in this very fine morning. Beautiful music.

I didn’t know that this encounter with nature can still pull me away from all the rush of the technology that is facing me.

Thank you God! I love this kind of things. That Your love is the mosy convenient of all. Whatever this generation of technology has brought convenience for me, I will always choose Your ever-available love to occupy my whole being.

Prayer of a still trusting heart.

Steady my heart O God.

Let me not worry of yesterday’s mistakes for I know You will take care of them. Let me not worry of tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

May I find comfort under Your wings. May I feel secured and will never be touched by evil under Your care.

Take care of my body. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, for I want to worship You no matter what. I do not want to get tired of raising my hand for You. Preoccupy my mind, steal my heart. Give me all the time I have to talk to You and talk to me whenever, wherever. Widen my ears so that I will be sensitive to Your voice, to Your presence.

I want to be the salt and light on every place that You will put me in. I will follow Your statutes. May Your words not depart from me.

Still desiring to be after Your heart,

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